2.26.2010

Friendship

Over the past few years I have come to realize friendship as a curse and a blessing. Now before you jump to conclusion, let me explain.
I believe it's a curse, because you can give yourself to another person as an emotional crutch one day, only to have them turn on you and not let you do the same when you need to. Also, we are people we are not perfect, therefore friendships will never be 'perfect'. But when our friends turn into people we never expected them to be, it's like a slap in the face, no? We meet people in life, we become friends and somehow we drift apart. It's hard when that starts to happen, slowly you realize your not the first person on their list to call anymore. I completely agree with the saying, 'life happens', but for some of us it's hard to realize it. Especially growing up, some friends are meant to remain friends and some friendships are meant to eventually fade away. Coming to this realization is not easy, but in life it is necessary. Just like it is necessary for children to learn to self-soothe at a young age.

Now, friendship is a blessing in many different ways. For example, Josh and I were friends before we dated. Towards that friendship turning into something more, we started to realize there was more to us than we originally thought. Now he is the first person I turn to for advice, to talk to, anything. He really is my best friend. Also, I've learned that God has a funny sense of humor. Sharla, Candace and myself have found to have quite a few things in common and it's amazing to realize this now, since we went to high school together! I really do find them to be amazing, beautiful, strong and caring women. I can't wait to see how God blossoms our relationship into something beautiful.
Kerstin, thank you for being my racer-friend! It's awesome to know that God can bring two people together from the same town in a new big city with no family around! :) 
Long friendship is also quite an amazing thing as well, one of my friends Sarah and I, have been friends since third grade! Amelia and I have been friends since 5th grade. Honestly, I am not really one to be into statistics, but from what I've heard according to statistics this length in friendship from elementary school through high school is quite rare. I think it's absolutely awesome to be able to not talk to a friend for months and pick up the phone chatting away as if time was never a factor!
I can't leave out my family. My sisters Emily, Gabi and Lavinia are my close friends in so many ways. Each friendship is different with them, but it's all beautiful in so many ways. My mother, Claudia is my friend in ways as well. She has been where I have been, in different ways. The way she shares her life with mine is such a blessing. I am SO blessed in so many ways!
I want to thank God for all the friendships I have been abundantly blessed with in my life, even if you weren't mentioned, you are definitely thought of and thanked. Without His hand in my life, I don't know what I would do without all of the wonderful friends I have.
Thank you all for being my friend!
-ana
P.S. I think this blog is opening up doors for new friendships and people I haven't talk to in years! Thank you Jesus!
P.S.S. This turned into a dedication blog without me realizing it! 

Nizmo thinks he is a perfect angel!

2.23.2010

Truth to reality

My favorite poet growing up was Shel Silverstein and I think he summed up how we are as humans quite well and how quickly we can get overwhelmed with life. Here's a great poem by him,

God's Wheel by Shel Silverstein 
GOD says to me with a kind 
of smile, "Hey how would you like 
to be God awhile And steer the world?"
"Okay," says I, "I'll give it a try.

Where do I set?
How much do I get?
What time is lunch?
When can I quit?"

"Gimme back that wheel," says GOD
"I don't think you're quite ready YET." 

I really have nothing to be overwhelmed with, but there are definite times when I am overwhelmed with missing Josh. It's funny, because I always seem to come back to the same question lately. Why am I having a harder time now, than before we were married? I know one major problem is we only communicate a certain amount of time. Not by choice of course, but when you can only tell your significant other everything going through your mind in a matter of 30min, you either learn to talk really fast or you can't get all of it out at all.
Communication is key. I seriously cannot stress it enough. Josh and I have gotten into pointless arguments because one of us didn't mention something and it turned into a he said/she said argument! Women there is a reason God put us to be lower than men, it wasn't to make us feel belittled or anything, but it's simply to consult our significant other about everything. I really feel like this was the case. I know as a woman I struggle so much with telling everything and anything, something I think are just not important enough to mention or what's the point? But honestly it's those things I have found to come up in the future ten times worse! I have actually talked to those couples that have lasted 50 years + and they said the same thing, communication is the first thing. After that, comes fun and laugh with each other and poke fun when the time calls for it. On the phone or on Skype Josh and I are always poking fun or making each other smile when necessary. It's the way life is supposed to be lived. If we all focused on the CRAP that happens to us or that goes on in the world around us, I think we would either be really depressed or would have already committed suicide by now!
We are not meant to have the 'perfect' life or have it easy, honestly. Do you know anyone that has had it easy in their lives from day one? I sure don't! Even celebrities have messed up lives, look at what happened to Heath Ledger, amazing actor, but a persona he portrayed put him over the edge.
So lets all promise ourselves to make it better. Make our lives the best we can be, live them all to the fullest and show others how much fun we are having. I have always said to myself if I regretted the mistakes I made in the past, I would regret what those mistakes made me to be today. I don't want to regret who I am ever! I am going to make the best of each day, praising God and taking by storm with a smile.
MmmmmKAY???
-ana
Luke 1:37

2.22.2010

All over the place

So I am about to get my AA in general education this spring. I was supposed to get it this summer, but my counselor miscounted how many credits I needed and told me I needed 12 instead of 17. Found this out right after our honeymoon, awesome I KNOW! So Josh has been urging me to figure out what I want to do after I get my AA.
Lately I've been leaning towards Radiology, with specifications in Ultrasound, I know I would love to be around babies all the time and the beauty of it. Eventually I think I would want to learn how to interpret the scan better, for birth defects. I have such sympathy and love for children born with things they couldn't help. But at the same time I think I would love to be a Cop. My dad always said he could see me doing something with the law. I don't know what it is, but I have very strong feelings about criminal justice and the way things should be. I get mad when I hear things about criminals getting out for murder, rape, anything really. I would probably study child protection or something, but anything that has to do with kids, makes me SO mad.
So I am kind of at a crossroads. The more practical of the two I think would be Radiology, I could find a job a lot faster with the way Josh and I want to move around in the medical field, than I could I think in the criminal justice field. I don't think Josh and I are going to be able to sit still very long. Especially me, I am literally addicted to traveling. Josh has to stop me most of the time because I think about places we could go and how we could use the money we have, instead of using it on things we actually really need. I mean we COULD live without a dresser or fixing my car (or getting a new car), right? Josh is DEFINITELY my level headed-ness in this. We would have an empty apartment and passports filled up, if it was up to me!
I would love to go back to Africa if I could, that is definitely my dream. Maybe help the people there again like I did in 2006. Goodness, their love and comfort and acceptance was just overwhelming. I will have to write about my experience there sometime, maybe of my travels in general.
:-)
-ana

2.21.2010

Poetry

Thank you to all who enjoy my writing! I really do appreciate the feedback and comments! It really makes me feel good and keeps me thinking positive about writing. Anyway, I was recently talking to a friend of mine about writing and the subject of poetry came up.
When I was I think 10-13 years old I was actually published eight times. I was asked to go down to Hollywood, CA for a contest I was entered in. I didn't win, but I did have to read my poetry in front of about 500 people or so. My friend asked me to post some of my poetry up here, so please don't laugh TOO hard, remember I was VERY young. But I have loved writing poetry and writing in general for a quite a while now.

Choose
two roads, one choice
left ,right
which way?
confused
afraid
sun,darkness
death,life
depression
happiness
why,when
where,how
no
yes
frustration

two roads
one choice
the choice is yours 


Water
Water is a thirst quencher
flowing down my well
spoken throat.

It is the waves of the sea
rushing in from the
largest body of water.

It is a snake slithering
down in my inmost self.

It is the thing
that knows me best.

Water

Here is the link to the website with the rest of my poetry. I have a lot more poetry that hasn't been published, but this is what I entered years ago. :)
Enjoy.
-ana


Peaceful BEAUTIFUL day at Golden Gardens, check out that reflection!

 

Support

I recently came upon this article on komotv.com. I really love this soldiers perspective on everything and how he says, "I think everybody should serve in the military because the protesters who sit there and say, 'You guys are murderers, you shouldn't be in that country...' But us defending our country gives them the right to protest in the first place. They just need to know where to draw the line." I can't help but completely agree.
Coming back home has been completely bittersweet for me, I am so happy to have reconnected with friends, but I do miss Nevada. It definitely has become home for me. What I didn't miss was all the anti-war things you see around here. Living up here before I didn't really notice them, because they were so common, but now I see them everywhere. It truly is depressing to me to see all of those, because it's also bashing our military at the same time. It's not like our military have a choice of going over, they have to. I recently talked to a shop owner at Bella & Max (Cute kids clothing by the way!) in Country Village and she put it pretty simply, "If you were a small business owner or listened to what our troops really had to say, you would not be complaining about the war." It's funny to me to hear people say, we shouldn't be over there, we should not have gone in the first place...la-dee-da-dee-da. People have forgotten a little too quickly why we went over there in the first place, last I checked we we lost a lot of people on 9/11. Ok we've stayed over there too long, well we can't just go from having thousands of people over there to none. It doesn't work that way. From my understanding, we need to be over there right now. It sucks, I know (out of all people, I would know), but it's definitely necessary. The more people understand this, maybe they will soften to the idea of it or at least have more sympathy towards our troops.
Sorry if I get snappy towards anyone, I can't stand people talking crap about our military. I will snap back and it may not be so pretty.
:)
-ana
(Puppy didn't want to come out from under the warm covers)

2.18.2010

Encouragement.

Goodness, I know I am quite young but high school already feels like it was so long ago! Tonight I met up with two wonderful ladies from high school that I honestly never thought I could be friends with. Maybe it was the situation in high school, or the cliques, I honestly do not know. But, there was definitely a connection between us that nobody could deny. Maybe it was the fact that the three of us were wives and we could definitely share that in common, but there was so much more to it. One of us is going to school and working, the other working and taking care of a newborn and myself working and dealing with a deployed husband. The things that we all had in common was that we were all wives and we had all dealt with a lot of hardship in our lives.
Now I don't expect anyone's life to be perfect, but it was so encouraging to me to know that others around me had gone through things in their lives out of their control as well. I think the hardest part of dealing with things in my life was loosing my faith for a while. While that definitely caused a roller coaster of events afterwords, at the time it was always back to the same question, "Why?"
It has taken me a long time to realize the answer to that question but I know I can definitely answer it now honestly and correctly. To simply put it, He already told us the answer, God does NOT give us more than what we can handle. Life is not perfect, nor will it ever be perfect (Not until Jesus comes back that is), but we are called to make the best of it, to live our lives in an honorable Godly way. From the second Eve ate the apple our reality was changed forever. There was no more silver lining in the garden, it was diminished and we were thrown out. I honestly believe that if Eve wouldn't have eaten of the apple, someone would have. We are not perfect humans, we are not living in a perfect society (check out the economy!), but we have a perfect God. A PERFECT being we can look up to for advice and guidance on how to live our lives. I am not perfect, nor will I ever call myself that, but I am slowly learning the idea of leaning on Him more. I don't have a husband to call or turn to every second my day right now and honestly maybe that is why God allowed Josh to be sent overseas. It's His way of letting me know that hey, I am right here 24/7! HELLO! When your living your lives apart, you have got to learn to lean on others and God. I am so happy to have reconnected with these women from the past! It's definitely given me such a boost in my life right now.
I think my words of advice to people going through something/anything in their life right now is, if you haven't turned to God already with your problems, He is waiting for you. Just turn around and run in His arms. Also, if you don't have someone to connect with, find that somebody, because trust me, it helps a lot.
To the YWC (Yes, we have a name. Yes, we know we are cheesy. No, we don't care. :D)
-ana
P.S. Yes that is me in high school
Joshua 1:9 (Josh's favorite verse)
"Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go."

Life here and over there

I think the hardest part of being away from Josh is understand that we are both still together, but living very different lives right now. While I am watching Apolo Ohno and Shaun White doing their thing just north of us at the Olympics, Josh is sleeping right now getting rested for his next night shift. My days are pretty predictable in my opinion, while Josh's bring different trauma's from all sorts of ordeals. Instead of figuring out what we are going to do for Josh's birthday next month, I have to figure out what is most convenient to send him that would be easy to bring back. It's just a very different situation than I would have ever pictured myself in. I wouldn't change it for the world, but it's definitely a reality that I have to face. My husband is living a different life, experiencing things that I am not going to be able to experience ever. I don't know or understand how to get over that. Marriage is supposed to be together, experiencing different things.
What I do understand is that God is completely on my side anywhere I go. I just need to use it. I need to learn to trust more on Him and what he wants from me. There is so much going through my head right now it's hard to even try to put it on here! I do understand that Josh needs me to be the wife he can lean on right now and I am trying my best to be that. He is doing an exceptional job at helping me deal with my emotions, all of them. I really don't know that I could get through this with out his constant support. I am very lucky to be with him, he is so understanding and always willing to go the extra mile or lose 1/2 hour on sleep just so we can be ok in anything we do.
Another thing that I am having a hard time getting over is how I somehow want to be there for Josh in case anything happens, but I will never be able to fully grasp the situation. How can I be the best wife I can be if I can't even get it? I think it's just going to take a lot of prayer to do it. Thank goodness I've got God on my side, it would make the situation very tough if he wasn't.

(<---Picture was taken in Las Vegas, NV. Poolside at the Tropicana Hotel, the day of Josh and my first date in June of 2008.)

Luke 1:37 "For with God NOTHING shall be impossible"
-ana

2.16.2010

Josh & Me.

 For those of you that don't know the story of how Josh and I met, I figured I'd tell it here. It is quite the unique story, if I do say so myself. :D

Josh and I met in December of 2007. We met on a plane.
I was coming home from visiting my best friend Sarah in Dallas, TX and Josh was going home to Napa Valley, CA from Tech school for the Air Force. We were not originally sitting next to each other, but the kids that were sitting next to Josh in the emergency aisle were to young to be sitting there, so they asked me to switch. I, being the complete nerd I am was shutting off my cell phone at the same time Josh was. Coincidentally, we had the same phone so I looked over and said, "Shutting off yours too??". I know, horribly, horrible, BAD joke! But it got us talking for the entire flight to our first stop in Las Vegas (which is also where we ended up living oddly). Anyway, I at the time was together with someone in a very committed relationship and he was just about to get together with somebody. We both thought nothing of the chat and went our ways after he walked me to my next flight.
Of course, I am once again the nerd. He was wearing his Air Force blues (HOT!) and had his last name on it, so when I got home I looked him up on myspace and facebook, (Apparently Ohlandt isn't a very common name!). We became fast friends on there and randomly would say, 'hi' to one another and chatted like it was nothing. Little did I know that he was falling for me and I would be falling for him soon.
Time passed and he broke up with his girl friend and I was still together with my boy friend. Now here is the real kicker, in June of 2008 my family decided to go to Las Vegas and Lake Havasu, AZ for a family road trip. I ended up quite literally waking up one day (No I did not think of this the day before or anything) and said to myself that I wasn't happy and needed to break up with the person I was with at the time. To which I did that very same day. Well, luck has it that three nights later I am in Las Vegas with my family and Josh quite literally swept me off my feet. :) Took me to a night on the town in Las Vegas, saw a Cirque Du Soleil production and had an absolute blast with the man that I now call my husband.
Over all it was very quick and swift. But I don't regret any of it. I am very happy in the life I now have and wouldn't change it for the world! Josh is the best man I could ever share a life with.
Here is a preview of his bday present (I told him about it...I just COULDN'T keep it a surprise).
Love you all. -ana

2.15.2010

This 'n That.

Currently laying in bed (which is where I do 99.9% of my blogging) with my puppy curled up under the blanket at my feet, thinking, "What should I blog about in these last few minutes of Valentines Day?" So I say, "a little bit of this and that!"

This
What does Valentines Day mean to me this year? It signifies 1 year and 1 day since Josh and I were engaged to be married (he popped the question on Friday the 13th last year in order not to be cliche). Valentines Day this year meant celebrating it with our puppy Nizmo. Josh surprised me with a chocolate dipped strawberry bouquet from Edible Arrangements, that were absolutely delicious! I won't lie though, I went in to this day headstrong thinking I would make it through just fine. For all of you that don't care for the day, let those of us that don't mind it enjoy it, thank you! Josh and I were able to skype together for almost two hours tonight! What a treat! Almost immediately he could tell there was something wrong, funny thing is I was absolutely fine up until I started talking to him. Laying in bed with a puppy apparently just isn't the same as cuddling up with your husband. We both missed each other very much today, I think it might have been harder for me than him, but I know he was hurting too.  We are almost at the two month mark since the last time we saw each other now and for some reason it just seems to be getting harder for me instead of easier. When we were dating we would go two months with out seeing each other, sometimes three or one time four! So why does this time seem to be more difficult than those?
That
Josh is such the positive thinker when it comes to us. He knows he has to be a positive influence on me to sometimes help me through my days. As I was breaking down he kept reminding me of the good and none of the bad. He reminded me of the four months we spent together before he left and how wonderful and blissful they were. He reminded me to keep my eyes on God and to lean on Him more. God doesn't give us anything we can't handle, He told us that. He also reminded me of how hard it was for us to find a church in Las Vegas that both of our personalities fit (We still haven't found one) and to be so very thankful that I am back in the church I grew up in and love so very dearly. Every Sunday I find myself praising louder and listening harder to what Pastor Jonathan has to say, every sermon seams to hit some nail on the head for me right now. I am so thankful I have such an uplifting husband, he definitely got me thinking of all the positive in my life (including him of course!) and made me forget the negative. I am still thinking now and smiling.

So for those of you that are stuck in a rut, think of where you were before the rut, or where you might be after it. It does get better, I promise. Life is kind of like a staircase, it's not about how fast you can get to the top, it's about how you handle each step in front of you. Eventually we are all going to get to the top, but we can't all get there at once!

                                                                 Cuddle time with the puggle!
-ana






P.S. Check out this local shop I found on etsy, Woven Chains. Her designs are so beautiful! Thinking about ordering myself a new pair of earrings.

2.13.2010

Reality Check

So I just finished watching "The Hurt Locker" tonight. Here is a quick synopsis of the movie,
Wow, is how I pretty much sum it up. Back up a few steps, I had actually talked to Josh earlier today and he wanted to know what my plans for the night had been. I told him just relaxing at home, being awake since 3:30am (I work for Starbucks) doesn't really call for an eventful night out. I mentioned that I would be watching "The Hurt Locker," and of course my husband being the most caring and selfless person I know, quickly asked if that was a 'smart' decision with it being Valentines Day tomorrow and with where he is at right now. I told him it would be OK and I was going to watch it anyway. After all the awards it has receive, I must say I was quite curious. To make stories short he reminded me that he is nowhere near what the movie portrays and to remember that it IS a movie, not necessarily 'complete' reality. But it's definitely sobering.
I won't lie, it did help with watching the movie. I didn't cry or flinch, I just watched. Josh was very wise to remind me he was safe and not in high risk situations as some of the men that actually have these jobs are. All in all, I truly believe people should watch this movie. Maybe it will help with the whole anti-war thing currently going on. Now I won't state my opinions on that, but hopefully it would give people a different perspective.
I am SO proud to be the wife of a soldier. Especially one that enjoys doing what he is doing. Every time I tell people that, they are shocked to hear that Josh ACTUALLY enjoys what he is doing. Now don't get me wrong, he doesn't enjoy being away from me or home. But he actually enjoys working in the Emergency Room. I think my husband is a bit of a thrill seeker (He DID jump out of a plane for fun..), working on the base hospital's E.R., I am convinced was starting to become a little repetitive. Like me, he needs change every so often. Being able to see different things right now is keeping him on his toes, even if he is worn out and exhausted. I know he definitely enjoys it. 
Every soldier out there doing their part in this whole matter is part of a team, currently team U.S.A. (It is Olympic season, sorry!). They are working together in different parts to protect you and me. And for that, we owe them everything. From the American Revolution, to WWI & WWII, to Vietnam every soldier, every man and woman that has served has not served for themselves, they have served for everyone else. 
These men and women give up their rights and options for our safety and freedom, thank you. Thank you Josh, thank you Sarah, thank you Robert, THANK YOU. 
I love you Josh. 
-ana

How do I do it?

I get this question a lot with Josh gone. Most of the time I tend to shrug it off like it's nothing. I want to give off the illusion that I can do anything, I am the strongest woman there is. I don't like weakness and I don't like to show it. But the truth is, when I ask myself that question I really don't have a definitive answer, you just do.
I want to put it foremost that I don't believe in divorce, find me old-fashioned, but I believe you can work things out.  In 2008 there were over 13,000 military divorce rates! I understand that there are problems in a marriage, yes some you can't work out (abuse, neglect), but most of them, you can. With that being said, getting back to the original question, 'How do I do it?' Being a newlywed and having to move again, the statistics are already against me. I think the best way to describe how I think everyday is positive. If I didn't think positively, I don't know if I could make it (Yes, this coming from the person that just talked about divorce). Now don't get me wrong, I have my days where I just can't shake that feeling of loneliness and missing him. But that's where I turn to faith, without faith I don't think this would work. Seeing as my relationship with Josh has been long distance since day one (That's another post for another time), faith and communication has been the key ingredient to making things work. We talk about EVERYTHING and anything. When we can't figure something out, we pray, let somebody else take hold of our problems.
Communication with him being in a third world country isn't always the easiest either, with great inventions like E-Mail, Skype and him being able to call me every now and then (even if it is for a couple minutes), we get everything out on the table immediately and figure things out right then.

What the distance between us has taught me is, marriage isn't about how much you see or be with each other, it's about how much you grow together as one. Even if you are making it work across continents.
It's hard, it's rough, yes it sucks A LOT at times, but you get through it. You keep your head up and your feet moving forward and you DON'T look back.
Good night.
-ana

2.12.2010

Intro


For those of you that don't know me, my names Ana. Recently got married to my husband Josh on August 16, 2009. I am 20 years old and Josh is 21 currently. Yes we are both young, we know this.
Josh is currently serving in Afghanistan with the U.S. Air Force. The main reason I needed to create this blog is to leave my thoughts somewhere I could always go back to them, also for therapy for me. I tend to write out my feelings 10X better than I can actually explain them in words. So sit tight and enjoy the ride. This blog is for others to get to know me on my level, through my perspective on life, love, marriage and pretty much anything that comes my way...
Enjoy.
-ana