I think the hardest part of being away from Josh is understand that we are both still together, but living very different lives right now. While I am watching Apolo Ohno and Shaun White doing their thing just north of us at the Olympics, Josh is sleeping right now getting rested for his next night shift. My days are pretty predictable in my opinion, while Josh's bring different trauma's from all sorts of ordeals. Instead of figuring out what we are going to do for Josh's birthday next month, I have to figure out what is most convenient to send him that would be easy to bring back. It's just a very different situation than I would have ever pictured myself in. I wouldn't change it for the world, but it's definitely a reality that I have to face. My husband is living a different life, experiencing things that I am not going to be able to experience ever. I don't know or understand how to get over that. Marriage is supposed to be together, experiencing different things.
What I do understand is that God is completely on my side anywhere I go. I just need to use it. I need to learn to trust more on Him and what he wants from me. There is so much going through my head right now it's hard to even try to put it on here! I do understand that Josh needs me to be the wife he can lean on right now and I am trying my best to be that. He is doing an exceptional job at helping me deal with my emotions, all of them. I really don't know that I could get through this with out his constant support. I am very lucky to be with him, he is so understanding and always willing to go the extra mile or lose 1/2 hour on sleep just so we can be ok in anything we do.
Another thing that I am having a hard time getting over is how I somehow want to be there for Josh in case anything happens, but I will never be able to fully grasp the situation. How can I be the best wife I can be if I can't even get it? I think it's just going to take a lot of prayer to do it. Thank goodness I've got God on my side, it would make the situation very tough if he wasn't.
(<---Picture was taken in Las Vegas, NV. Poolside at the Tropicana Hotel, the day of Josh and my first date in June of 2008.)
Luke 1:37 "For with God NOTHING shall be impossible"