3.01.2010

All Smiles

So just the other day my mother told me she was incredibly proud of me. It was almost a shock to hear that from her. Not that I've never heard it from her, but let me just explain. My mother is the type of person that needs to warm up to people in general. Just like she warms up to people she warms up to decisions. Well in the past three years, it's taken a lot out of her to warm up to my decisions. In high school I got accepted to San Francisco Art  Institute, but I decided to do the community college route and not go to San Fran. I really didn't feel like walking away from a four year college $200,000 dollars in debt! So I backed out as soon as I saw the price tag. She was shocked I did that at the time, since it was basically a dream to go there, but she explained to me the other day she was quite happy I did.
Now, she also told me she was especially proud of me with choosing Josh as my husband, she really couldn't have had a better man given to me by God in her opinion. She also admitted to me she would never be able to live apart from my father like I am living apart from Josh and she said I was one of the strongest women she knew, with how I was handling the whole situation.
Hearing these words come out of my mother's mouth really made me feel happy about the way my life has unfolded so far. It is so nice to hear that reassurance from someone else. Especially from a parent. I know all of us secretly wish our parents to be happy with the way our lives have turned out, even if we don't all admit it. Hearing this from her has definitely given me a 'boost' in a way. It turned my day right back up and definitely put a smile on my face. It's reassurance like this that helps me get through being without Josh. I really don't know what secret I have, or how I make it through this right now. I know I have just turned my attitude into the, 'just do it' attitude. I mean, I don't have any other options, I just DO it. I get through my days, with a smile or a mild break down and God picks me right back up in the morning. Josh helps me in so many ways, but when there is that time when we can't talk to each other, it's definitely all God.
Isaiah 40:28-31
28 Do you not know?
       Have you not heard?
       The LORD is the everlasting God,
       the Creator of the ends of the earth.
       He will not grow tired or weary,
       and his understanding no one can fathom.
 29 He gives strength to the weary
       and increases the power of the weak.
 30 Even youths grow tired and weary,
       and young men stumble and fall;
 31 but those who hope in the LORD
       will renew their strength.
       They will soar on wings like eagles;
       they will run and not grow weary,
       they will walk and not be faint.
 Thank you Lord for the strength you give me to keep going each day. Even when I want to give up, you keep tugging at my heart to move forward. Thank you Lord for the love you fill my heart up with when it's empty. Thank you for the joy you give me from the people around me. Thank you for putting such wonderful, uplifting, happy people in my life everywhere I turn. 
-ana

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