So I haven't written about it yet, but I joined a small group at church and we are basing our group meetings off the book, 'The Five Love Languages.' Anyway, I don't know what it was tonight, but I got very tearful and actually started crying. Now I haven't cried in a long while since Josh has been gone. It almost felt unnatural at one point. I've blogged about Josh and my unique situation multiple times and I've blogged about communication and patience and so much more that is common in making our relationship work right now. But I haven't really blogged about how we prepared for this.
Well, to be honest, there really is no way to prepare for this. The one main thing I constantly hear about first year of marriage is how much, 'In Love' people are with each other, how it completely gets them through fighting and all the stress in that first year. Since Josh and I have held together a long distance relationship from day one, I feel like we've always been emotionally loving towards each other, but never quite, 'In love' ( I hope your still following me on this because it's deep stuff!). From when we started dating each other, we knew there was a connection, but we also faced reality immediately and the truth of our situation. Did you know in 2005 only 2.9% of relationships in the U.S. are long distance? That's a very small percentage! Also, out of the 200 people surveyed 1 in 5 people claimed being in a long distance relationship made their relationship worse. That was our reality when we began our relationship.
I won't lie, it's hard, almost impossible. But if you go in with a positive attitude, you will make it work. That and God's steady hand in strengthening us from the inside out. But that's not why I am posting tonight. Well anyways, we were going through our study tonight and I got so tearful realizing the truth on how our relationship works, God planned for us to be apart during most of our relationship. It was a hard realization to understand and swallow too. He made it so our dating/courtship relationship would prepare us for this deployment. While everyone was going around the room talking about how they were still in the, "In Love" stage of their marriage, I thought how my relationship with my husband was already out of it. Don't get me wrong, I love Josh so incredibly much. But I am not googly eyed over him at all right now. He is not near me, I can't hold his hand, hug him, kiss him or even sleep next to him knowing he is there. Emotionally we love each other, there is no doubt. But I know already until he comes back, I won't be, 'In love' again.
Let me tell you, it's not easy to know this and still understand we've been married for almost 9months. I hope this makes sense to everyone because I completely understand if it's confusing. Our relationship works for us and that's all that matters.
I love you.