Besides the fact I've been avoiding my blog for sometime now, I am alive.
Lately my emotions have taken a turn. Kind of like the harsh wind blowing outside right now.
You know those times when the wind just dies down for a moment and there is complete silence?
Yeah, that's about how I feel right now. I'm unsure of what lies ahead for the hubs and I, in the next few months of moving to Idaho. I'm unsure about it all. In fact I'm so unsure of it I'm having trust issues with God.
Is this what you really want of us Lord? Are you sure Idaho is a good idea?
It's funny how God turns your questions around back on you.
My child, have I not proven to you time and time again I AM trustworthy, I AM never going to leave you, I AM always with you, I AM all you need? Why are you not relying on me? Why are you trying to take this into your own hands?
Matthew 17:20 "He said to them, “Because of your little faith. For truly, I say to you, if you have faith like a grain of mustard seed, you will say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move, and nothing will be impossible for you.”"
Once again Jesus is telling me to rely on Him. Yet by my human nature I am of course trying to do it myself. Take it into my own hands. My husband and I both lead student mentor small groups with high/middle school aged kids. I look at what these kids are going through in their daily lives about trying to find themselves and see where they 'need' to fit into the right 'mold' of school and how sometimes their faith wavers too.
Whether we be 14 or 41, our faith is never going to be steady. There are going to be seasons in our life where we ask, "Why Jesus? Why me?" But He is always going to answer our questions with, "Why not Me? I already proved to you why, it's your decision to take My hand on this path called life or use a flashlight to find your way in the dark."
I am slowing learning finding my own way is always going to be harder than relying on Him. I'm learning through other peoples mistakes as well. Sometimes I need to slow down and just enjoy the beauty He has given to me in every location. I've never said I 'hated' a place I've visited, disliked maybe. But never hated. My goal since I was young was to always find beauty in places I've been to. Now I've been to a lot of places, my goal for when we move is to find beauty in Idaho and our future home. To thank Christ for what He has given us and where He has placed us.
My husband has said a couple times now, "Maybe we are not meant to be in one place for a long time, maybe we are meant to be nomads for a while. God has a plan to use us wherever we go, that's His plan."
Now, I just have to trust His plan. Faith like a mustard seed...