46...45...44... This is what I was counting to myself very slowly while I had my ears plugged trying not to listen to his screaming cry two early mornings ago. It started at 4:40am and he wouldn't go back down until 7am. I had done everything in my power to make him stop screaming. Changed him. Fed him. Burped him. Tried to get out excess gas. Even patted his bottom while shushing him for 20min. Nothing, I mean nothing worked.
I was getting frustrated, angry and emotional. As the sun slowly peaked from behind our curtains I set him down on the pillow next to me and plugged my ears and started counting...43...42...41...40...


He let out another whimper and then a cry at the top of his lungs. I felt terrible. Nothing I was doing worked. I don't know about you or how anyone of you feel about the 'cry it out' method (I'm not trying to start anything here either), but I don't like it and honestly can't handle it. If he cries to the point to where he's red in the face and his eyes start to swell shut from crying, I want to cry too and I have.

I continued to count down to zero and by the time I finished he stopped and fell into a deep sleep. I finished off my prayer and settled in to sleep next to him for the next few hours into the day.

Growing up the saying around the house was, "God doesn't give you more than you can handle." Well I don't believe that's true in the least bit. Bear with me.

Pastor Ty from Grace Point once said,
"He always gives us more than we can handle. Always. If he didn't give us more than we could handle, we wouldn't need to rely on Him for help."
After I thought it through my world was literally turned upside down. We aren't meant to live life without Christ. Christ helps us through everything, from the mundane everyday life to experiences we never thought we would go through. He ALWAYS gives us more than we can handle, because we wouldn't need Him otherwise. If parenting and motherhood were easy I truly believe there wouldn't be any messed up people in the world. It's been a while since I've opened up my Bible since having Eli almsot a month ago (Yikes!), but you better believe I'm praying constantly.

The more I pray the more He says,
"Hold my hand sweet child."
Just like I hold my sons hand, Christ holds onto ours through everything. Thank goodness, because doing this alone would not be possible.

Thus I end another post with my thoughts. I don't expect anyone to understand my lack of sleep brain fog, but I do hope you get two cents out of it. 

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