The hubs has been pushing me for a date night. Even just an hour away from Eli. It's not I don't want to, it's I'm very hesitant about it. We move around a lot (duh.). It seems right about the time I would get comfortable to leave my dog with someone (not even child) we have to pick up and move. Which is fine, I really do enjoy the new-ness of places. But leaving my baby with someone I've known for less then a year. Yeah, that's a tough one.
Josh is a very trusting person and that's very honorable for his personality. I'm not a trusting person. I immediately go to the, "what if..." This isn't because I want to, it's from past experience. But I won't talk about that, it's not something I ever want to talk about here. Let's just say past experience has taught me never to trust fully. I'm talking about new people. This may come as insulting, but if you knew about it, you wouldn't judge.
So what do I do about date nights? Do we only do date nights around our family when we visit? Do I try to trust? I don't know, but it's something I'm wrestling with a lot right now. Why does God allow bad things to happen to kids? I have a lot of why's and what if's in my mind swirling around when the subject of date nights is brought up. It becomes very hard to connect and I tend to just shut down. On the outside I listen and respond, but on the inside I tell myself nope, no way, no how, not going to happen. A knot slowly turns in my stomach even when I drop off my son at Sunday school. He's surrounded by many kids and adults, I know nothing bad is going to happen, but the knot turns tighter and tighter. I often can not concentrate on the sermon. If the Sunday school was in the same building as our service I would be checking on him often. But it's not. So I trust and I pray. I hope God cares for him and his needs because I'm not sure what my reaction would be if he didn't.