11.03.2013

Desert


The Israelites wandered the desert for 40 years the Bible says. Now I'm not sure of what their desert looked like way back when, but I am sure of how they felt at times.

Broken.
Forgotten.
Weary.
Alone.
Exhausted.
Unloved.
Maybe even faith-less. 

Sometimes it feels like Josh and I are in a desert here in Boise. I'm not talking about the weather (although the hot summer days do feel like a desert sometimes), no I'm talking about our faith.

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We've both come to the conclusion of we aren't growing in our faith. It's ironic really, in Las Vegas (more so a desert then Boise) we were constantly fed by the spirit of the Lord. Whether by works or faith, we weren't 'thirsty' so to speak. But here in Boise where a river runs through the middle of the town and lush trees grow in abundance in the city, we feel thirsty and small. As soon as you accept Christ in your life your faith starts to grow. Just like a seed, it grows and grows and grows, until it's a large maple tree. The seasons change and leaves fall and seeds of your life are planted in others lives and their faith starts to grow and go through seasons. It's the cycle of life really.


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The only thing I can think of in our season of ungrowth is God is having us go through a 'desert season'. Where our faith HAS to be tested, it HAS to grow weary. I don't understand why right now. I'm not sure I will ever understand it, but this is where we are at. We've been at the same church for almost a year now and while we feel it's a healthy church and we are happy there, we aren't growing. We don't feel challenged by God or moved. Especially on Sundays, we walk out of the building thinking basically the same thing, "That was an okay sermon." For others, they may feel like it was amazing and challenging. But God has us in a place of desert right now, so we feel kind of...blah. It's sad really. I WANT to grow, I WANT to be challenged and I am so FRUSTRATED it's not happening.

Why Lord? Why the desert? Why NOW? 
We are new parents we NEED to learn and to be challenged. 
So, why? Why? WHY? 

I don't feel like Josh and I are pushing God away from challenging us or helping us grow. In fact, I feel like we are standing here with arms wide open for Him to scoop us up and show us how to grow. But for some reason He is silent. Silent in our prayers, silent in our concerns, silent in our life. Maybe he's doing something we don't see right now. I know he hasn't left us. I know he's there. 

Is silence what we need? Is that how we will grow in our faith? With silence? 

When you google 'silence' so many things pop up, signs, movies, photos of people with their fingers on their mouths. For some reason this photo pops out to me the most.

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"Enjoy the Silence." Enjoy it? How? I WANT to grow in you Lord. I want to be LOUD in my faith, but your forcing me to 'enjoy' it! 

1 comment:

  1. Seeing as you are new parents, don't you think that god would reveal your growth opportunities and challenges through Eli... What is he teaching you through your son? What can you relate with his own heavenly son? What do you know and understand now that you couldn't before you were a parents? Ideas :)

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