1.28.2015

Starting off on the left foot.


2015 didn't start off as expected to be quite frank with everyone. Personal life has been shaken, faith has been punched & we lost a dear friend suddenly. It's been a whirlwind of emotions the past couple months, but the beginning of 2015 really brought waterfall of emotions. I feel like my faith has been shaken in a number of ways, but at the same time also challenged. Obviously I know I'm supposed to go through this, but working through it is proving to be difficult. I feel less challenged Sunday morning's in church as I do more angry.

There has been a saving grace though. Losing our friend has shown me the incredible faith of his wife and legacy he left behind for his kids. She blogs at "Our Life in Four Bags". If you haven't read her stuff yet, you need to. She also has a facebook page called, "More Grace, More Peace, & More Joy"
that she updates frequently as well. This past Sunday I expected to walk out with the same attitude and 
frustration. Hearing some feel-good about giving it to God and it will be better for your faith same-old 
same old, but instead I feel like God is nudging me to work through my issues through Becky's writing
honestly. We were studying from 1 Timothy 4 about training, but it was 1 Timothy 5:3-5, 8 14-16 which 
caught my eye. Talks about widows and how we as believers should take care of them. Definitely hit home 
for me with leaving Eli next month to fly out to the East to be with Becky. I've had some people say things
along the lines of, "i'd never be able to leave my kids" or "why wouldn't you just take him with you?." I
am not taking Eli with me for many reasons but the main one is I'm going there to help my friend and sister 
in Christ with a two year old, a newborn and any funeral preparations she will be doing. We will also be 
road tripping from Maryland to Connecticut for the funeral. I want to be there for her 100% of the time
and I am so grateful for my own parents taking Eli while I'm out there. Reading 1 Timothy 5 in the middle 
of service was affirmation for my decision to go, it gave me an unexplainable peace. Peace as a mom for
leaving my son and knowing he's in good hands, peace for my decision, peace for what is to come.

While I may be avoiding emotions I need to work through God is still nudging me right along. It's hard. It's

painful, but's it's worth it. 

-ana.

1 comment:

  1. Praying for you Ana! Grandparents love having the kiddos. Don't let anyone guilt you into giving them that experience and your friend the attention that will be invaluable to her at that time. Hugs.

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